You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
