Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
