will power is for people who don't want to get laid
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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