Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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