I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I understand Curling. That high.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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