It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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