i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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