Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
