just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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