woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if only i could text you this smell
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
