dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
