we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
