I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
