I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
how do you play pong handcuffed?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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