I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
