Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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