He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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