you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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