I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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