we're blogging at a bar
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
