I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
