1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
