We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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