my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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