Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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