i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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