I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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