i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize