dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
