yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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