I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
