Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's like iHOP with fire
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
