now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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