no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
