So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
