Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize