census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
