We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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