my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
