the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
