So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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