And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Drunk is not a location!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
