I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
