i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
