i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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