If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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