you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The best revenge is premature balding
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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