but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Randomize
