apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
