My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize