And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
