Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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