the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up under a house in Key West
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
