That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize