i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
