I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
