This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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