Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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