hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
