She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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