i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize