PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
