Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
