while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
and you fell through a lawn chair
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
