she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
